


Confessions

by y3llowdaisi3s



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 08:51:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y3llowdaisi3s/pseuds/y3llowdaisi3s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kingsley's POV

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Everyone knew that the Annual Ministry Yule Ball wasn’t really where one wanted to be on the weekend before Christmas. They all knew, though, that if they wanted to have actual fun, they would have to sit through the stodgy event and persevere. Speeches, dancing, ridiculous plates of food that no one really enjoyed, Celestina Warbeck promoting her latest album.

It really was worth it, Kingsley mused.

He hated the Ball, just as much as his staff did - especially the Aurors - but it was tradition, and the Wizarding world was all about tradition. The young folk, though, hated how formal the Ball was. And if they were anything, it was ingenious. They came up with a way to maintain the tradition, but still make it their own.

The Afterparty.

Bless Hermione Granger’s soul for being Muggle-born. Kingsley didn’t have lots of time to sit in on Magical Law meetings, but he was very, very happy to have sat in that particular one. After discussing the latest cases against Dark Wizards - there were none, all Death Eaters being dead or locked away in Azkaban - they began speaking about the Ball. Everyone tried to convince him that cancelling the event or changing it up would be well worth it.

Unfortunately, he had no say in that. It was written into the very magic of the Ministry that the Annual Ministry Yule Ball had to occur, less the very foundation of their society crumble.

So, Hermione, being her awesome self, told anecdotes from the Muggle world about drinking and dancing and letting your hair down, and the Auror Afterparty was born.

And thank Merlin for that.

Kingsley shrugged his robes off his shoulders and loosened his tie. He tapped his foot while he waited for the lift to take him to Level Two. 

He needed this. After the stuffy party upstairs, after seeing off several Wizengamot members to the Floo, trying to maintain a diplomatic view on key issues, after listening to old geezers groan and whine about the state of affairs, he wanted - no, needed - to relax.

Based off what Hermione said, he knew that this was where he was going to get to. The whole affair promoted being carefree and enjoying oneself. He figured he’d get to sit with his old colleagues and lament over the good ol’ days, chasing bad guys and hunting Death Eaters. All this over a good strong cup of Eggnog. He couldn’t wait.

He just hoped that it didn’t get too wild. He knew the younger crowd had a tendency to get rather rambunctious, but he had faith that their superiors would keep them in check. At least until he got there to take over that duty.

He strolled down the long corridor, robes folded over his arm, humming the latest Celestina Warbeck song - from the Holiday album she just promoted, no less. He quickly bypassed the Wizengamot Administration Services offices, hating their very existence, being reminded of the conversations he had tried to avoid earlier. He turned left to avoid the shabby, small, crowded Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, until he reached the tall double doors leading to his final destination.

Auror Headquarters. The words shimmered on the gold placard.

Sometimes, when it was just him alone in his office, he would reminisce about the old times. When he was just an Auror running around wherever Moody and then Robards would send him. He would stare at the fireplace and just remember. That is, until his secretary would enter his office with more notes, pressing Wizengamot cases, meeting schedules, guests, and Minister duties.

The doors opened right in front of him, barely missing his face. He immediately took a step back to avoid collision and his eyes bulged when he caught sight of the party.

“Oh, Kings - I mean Minister!” Pansy uttered, holding onto the door to keep from falling over. 

“Miss Parkinson,” he nodded, unsure how to react to the normally professional woman. “How are you this evening?”

“Mostly good. I could do with a shag from the boyfriend though,” she replied, throwing a hand over her mouth. “Please excuse me.” She quickly straightened herself and ran back into the room, hiding from her boss.

Kingsley didn’t know his assistant was seeing anyone but decided that was the last of his problems. He stepped into the Auror’s large bullpen and realised something was clearly wrong.

Squabbles amongst friends. Lovers quarrelling. Robards was crying. The man was Head Auror, and there were fat tears streaming down his face.

He glanced around the room, trying to make sense of the situation. Pansy was hiding in a cubicle, clutching a red cup to her chest, while seething at the youngest male Weasley.

Draco Malfoy had his arms stretched around Hermione Granger in an attempt to get to the Eggnog. She didn’t seem put out in the slightest, drinking some herself.

Narcissa looked like she wanted to slap her husband or Severus or even both.

And he thought that this was going to be better than the party upstairs.

He continued to take account of his surroundings; it appeared everyone had had some of the Eggnog. Note to self: do not drink anything. He sidestepped over to the refreshment table and poured himself a small helping of the Eggnog and then walked away from all the guests. He sequestered himself in one of the cubicles that allowed him the best vantage point and he eyed his drink.

It looked like normal Eggnog.

He raised the glass close to his nose, and sniffed.

It smelled like normal Eggnog. Maybe a little on the strong side, but still the typical holiday fare.

He wouldn’t drink the Eggnog, but he had to make sure. He tilted the glass to his mouth and allowed a smidgen to grace his lips. He placed the glass back down on the desk and darted his tongue over his lips to taste.

Ah ha!

He couldn’t believe that the Aurors had let this slip by. He remembered the rigorous training he underwent just to avoid a situation such as this from ever occurring.

The Eggnog was spiked with Veritaserum.

And based off the snickering coming from the far dark corner, he had an idea of who was at fault.


	2. Hermione's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Hermione tried very, very hard to keep herself from speaking. It didn’t take a smart person - and let’s be honest, she was the brightest witch of her age - to understand that the Eggnog was spiked. She had already blurted out that Draco Malfoy looked yummy in his tight grey cashmere sweater and well-tailored black trousers.  
  
She also didn’t need Veritaserum to know that. She could admit that the man looked good, if only to herself.  
  
No, the Veritaserum forced her to say it out loud and admit it to her two best friends.  
  
Her two best friends who were ready to kill each other.  
  
Well, one of her best friends was ready to kill the other one, who was trying to use her as a shield.  
  
She thought she was fortunate that the limelight quickly switched off of her, but she didn’t think it would be over something like this. She also thought that her best friend, The-Boy-Who-Lived, would be braver than to use her as a shield. Yet, she figured it was only a matter of time until he would use her physical presence to stay alive. She had, after all, been doing that since they first met.  
  
“You mean to tell me,” Ron shouted, spittle flying all over, “that you’ve slept with my sister, and have no intention of marrying her?”   
  
Hermione cringed. Luckily, none of the spit landed on her. But it was still disgusting. And worse, she knew the Veritaserum wouldn’t let Harry get out of answering the question, honestly. She just hoped he spoke the right answer - one that wouldn’t have Ronald Weasley blasting through her to get to the Chosen One.  
  
“Not at this time, no.” Harry confessed, clutching on Hermione’s shoulders more tightly.  
  
She rolled her eyes. Idiots, the lot of them.   
  
She plied Harry’s fingers off her person - those better not have caused bruises - and side-stepped out of their way, so she was no longer between the two dunderheads. She found a comfortable chair nearby by and gracefully sat down. She crossed her ankles and let her hands rest in her lap.  
  
She would just watch them have at it, and keep them from slinging curses.  
  
Who knows, maybe Harry would get to talk it out and eventually realise he did want to marry the only female Weasley.  
  
Thank Merlin, she wasn’t here right now, Hermione reasoned. Ginny had been feeling a bit under the weather the past few weeks and Hermione knew that the current festivities would not have done anything to help her in the slightest.  
  
“What do you mean, not at this time?” Ron railed. Before he could reach for his wand, Hermione Summoned it. She took Harry’s for good measure, too.  
  
If they wanted to brawl, they could do it the old fashioned Muggle way. Plus, it was better to prevent collateral damage. Stray spells were always a pain to deal with. What with figuring out what spell was cast, who it hit, and how best to counter it. It was supposed to be a party, not work.  
  
“I mean, I’m not ready to get married. I love her, I really do, but we’re still so young and marriage is a big step,” Harry rambled, only making Ron become redder and angrier.  
  
Really, Hermione surmised, both boys should be happy. The Veritaserum wouldn’t let Harry lie, and he said that he loved her, and wasn’t that all Ron wanted for his baby sister?  
  
“No, I want the bloke who is  _fucking_  my sister to be her husband,” he seethed. Oh, had she said that out loud? Oops.  
  
“I’m going to marry her one day,” Harry interrupted, “Just not right now.”  
  
Hermione shook her head. Ron was stepping closer to Harry now, clenching his fists. If she didn’t do something now, she knew a fight would break out and the whole evening would be ruined.  
  
At least her own secret would remain a secret though. She threw both her hands over her lips. No, she would not let that slip. It was bad enough that she admitted to Draco Malfoy being yummy. It’d be another story if she told them that she was actually  _seeing_  the ferret.  
  
Her unexpected gesture drew her best friends’ attention away from each other and they just stared at her like she was crazy. And really, she was acting pretty crazy.  
  
“Hermione,” they both started. Ron turned to Harry and glared at him. Harry took a step back and kept his mouth shut, letting Ron take the lead.  
  
“Is there something you would like to tell us?” Ron insisted, eyebrows raised. He looked expectant, like he knew her big fat secret and was just waiting for her to own up to it.  
  
Well, he had another thing coming if he thought she would crumble that quickly.  
  
“I think Ginny’s pregnant,” she blurted, slapping her hands across her mouth once more. Her eyes became large and she broke into a sweat.   
  
That was not what she wanted to say. Sure, she didn’t want to say she and Draco Malfoy were seriously dating, but saying that all the symptoms Ginny was experiencing lead her to conclude pregnancy.  
  
Oh, bugger.  
  
“Pregnant?” Ron shouted as he turned and began to strangle their other best friend. His fingers wrapped around Harry’s throat and Harry’s face started to become red.  
  
Fast on her feet, Hermione quickly separated the two with a spell. And tied them to a chair. She wouldn’t have anyone dying on her watch.  
  
“I said, ‘I think,’ Ronald,” she muttered, pacing back and forth between them.  
  
“Pregnant?” Harry gulped.  
  
“Pregnant!?” Ron shouted once more.  
  
“The symptoms all add up to pregnancy. She has been feeling peaky, and rather tired lately. She barely could stay up for the whole ball earlier. I had to hold her hair back as she wretched after smelling the salmon.” She continued to list the reasons for her conclusion.  
  
“You better fix this Harry James Potter or I’m telling my mum!” Ron shouted once again, breaking free from the ropes holding him down. He stepped forward, ready to strike the rogue wizard, but seemed to change his mind. He shook his head, turned abruptly, and stomped off.  
  
“Pregnant?” Harry whispered.


	3. Severus's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Severus pulled at his collar, and then wiped his brow. He didn’t know why he let his best and only friend talk him into joining him and his wife for the evening. He wasn’t obligated to attend the Ministry function, nor did he have any interest in partaking in the festivities planned for after. He had a hunch that something was going to happen, and he didn’t really know if he wanted to be a part of it.  
  
All he did know was that the whole thing was a bad idea.  
  
He should have listened to his initial thoughts, because right now, Severus didn’t think he had ever been in a more awkward situation. Telling the Dark Lord that he didn’t look that bad without a nose -  _‘You look snake-ly, my Lord’_  - once held the title for ‘Most Awkward Moment’ in Severus Tobias Snape’s life.   
  
Not anymore.  
  
Instead, it was being replaced with the scene before him now.  
  
He just knew drinking the Eggnog would be a bad idea; would turn around and bite him in the arse. He had taken a huge gulp - first mistake - of the concoction after first arriving, thinking the alcohol would make the night somewhat bearable.  
  
It didn’t.  
  
Before he could warn his best friend and his wife - second mistake - about the potion mixed into the Eggnog, they both had already completed a glass and were happily starting on their second.  
  
He guessed he wasn’t the only one who thought alcohol would make the night better.  
  
Sadly, it only made it worse.  
  
Much, much worse.  
  
“What are you trying to tell me, Lucius?” Narcissa asked, sighing dejectedly as she fell into the couch. The three of them were near the front of the Auror Headquarters, in the small reception area, far away from the shenanigans of the rest of the guests. Much to Severus’s delight; he really didn’t want this awkward moment being witnessed by anyone else - especially the werewolf. He’d never hear the end of it.  
  
“I’m trying to tell you that before I knew that I was arranged to marry you, I had a thing for Sevvy over here.” Lucius replied, patting his hand on Severus’s shoulder, much to his derision.  
  
“Don’t call me Sevvy,” Severus mumbled. Not only was he the subject of this rather embarrassing discussion, Lucius was using that awful nickname as well. He sat on his hands to prevent himself from crossing them over his chest. He would not pout and let them see how much he was  _not_  enjoying himself. He was a spy for twenty years, he should be able to handle sitting through a small domestic.  
  
“Really? And you’re telling me this now?” She continued, arranging herself so that she sat facing Severus.  
  
“I’m telling you this now because clearly the Eggnog has been spiked with Truth Potion, and here we are confessing about feelings before the other. You asked, witch, I’m only obliging you by answering,” he argued, collapsing on Severus’s other side. He still sat straight as a rod - he was a Malfoy, of course he sat straight.  
  
Severus rolled his eyes. Dramatics; Lucius Malfoy was always good at them. He bet that if he had gone to a Muggle school he would have been the star in every play. He thought it would be amusing to watch him play Hamlet and off himself in the end. He wished that would happen right about now. Well not really, the potion wouldn’t let him think lies. He wouldn’t be happy to lose his best friend. And that was probably why he was afraid that was where this conversation would lead.  
  
“Oh, well, thank you.” Narcissa stammered.  
  
“Well,” Lucius urged, “aren’t you going to return the favour? I answered, it’s your turn.”  
  
“Oh, well, before we were married, I also had a crush on Severus.”   
  
“Really?” Severus croaked. That was rather unexpected. If only he had realised he had two good looking blondes interested in him, maybe then he wouldn’t have spent his time lusting after a taken woman.   
  
Technically, both blondes were already taken with each other, and he wouldn’t have been in any better of a position.  
  
He sulked, letting his back hunch.  
  
“Oh yes, you were quite attractive in school,” she continued.  
  
“Not to say that you’re not attractive now,” Lucius added.  
  
“Yes, that’s true. You’re actually much better looking now,” Narcissa blushed.  
  
“True,” Lucius placed a hand on Severus’s knee.   
  
Severus stared at the hand, willing it to fall off. Another hand, lighter and more delicate, fell on his forearm. He turned to stare at it and followed up its arm to Narcissa’s twinkling eyes.  
  
“You know,” Narcissa suggested, “It appears that the attraction is still there. On both our parts.” She brushed her hand up and down his arm, making goose-pimples rise.  
  
He shivered. Because it was cold. Okay, not because it was cold. Because he was being propositioned by two very attractive people who he cared deeply for. And it had been a long time.  _A really long time._  
  
Sweet Salazar, the Veritaserum wouldn’t even let him lie to himself.  
  
“And it seems the attraction is reciprocated,” Lucius pointed out, also brushing his hand up and down Severus’s thigh. It was inching closer to his crotch, and Severus quickly batted away their hands and stood up, several paces away from them.  
  
“I don’t know what you’re suggesting,” he stuttered, “Okay, I know what you’re suggesting. But I do not think it would be wise.”  _Ha! Take that, Veritaserum, apparently my reluctance is the truth!_  
  
Narcissa was first to stand, and sashayed over to him, “Sev.”  
  
Severus  _had_  to admit that he wasn’t looking at her face. Instead he watched as her hips swayed back and forth, hypnotising him.  
  
“Cissa,” he whispered.  
  
She wrapped an arm around his waist and led him down one of the dim corridors leading to the senior Auror offices. Lucius quietly followed.  
  
“You know you want this,” Lucius whispered into his ear.  
  
Yes, he did know. The potion wouldn’t allow him to rebuke that fact.  
  
“I’ll be gentle,” he growled, licking Severus’s neck.  
  
“And you can be as rough as you like with me,” Narcissa purred, pressing her lips to his.  
  
Severus was overwhelmed. So many sensations. Too much happening at once.  
  
A Truth Potion meaning this was all real and not something they didn’t want.  
  
He didn’t know if he wanted to seek revenge or thank the perpetrators, but he was rather busy being ravished by the elder Malfoy couple to truly care.


	4. Draco's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Draco heard Hermione call him yummy, and of course the words went straight to his cock. He managed to only whisper how scrumptious she looked in her tight emerald gown. It hugged her curves and flared out to her knees. He wanted to trace his hands up her thighs and devour her.  
  
He had to dash away before the urge to grab her, hide them in his office, and shag her into the door/floor/wall/desk - any hard flat surface would suffice - took over.  
  
So he latched onto his best friend. He caught sight of her as she strutted away from the Weasel, anger clearly etched on her face. Her dress billowed like any good Slytherin’s outfit would do when in such anger. He followed her into another cubicle far away from the Golden Trio.  
  
He watched as she fell into the office chair, head in her hands, elbows on her knees. She took deep breaths, and Draco wasn’t sure what to do.  
  
“Pans,” he ventured, stepping into the cubicle and perching himself on top of the desk.  
  
“I’m fine, Draco,” she shuddered, ignoring his existence.  
  
“Sure you are,” a voice interrupted. Draco looked up to see his cousin step into the cubicle and kneel in front of his friend.   
  
“Hi, Tonks,” Pansy breathed, keeping her face in her hands.  
  
“Want to talk about it?” Tonks asked, seating herself on the floor, indian style, not caring that she was in a purple dress that hardly covered her bits.  
  
Draco averted his eyes. There was only one girl’s bits he wanted to see, and it definitely was  _not_  his cousin’s.  
  
“Not really,” Pansy responded. She wiped her eyes and then looked down into Tonks face. Her face then scrunched up in anger and she slammed both her fists on the armrest of the chair. “Actually, yes, I do,” she seethed.  
  
“Do share,” Tonks urged, making herself more comfortable, shifting so she rested on her knees - and finally hiding her bits, Draco thought.  
  
“My boyfriend, the prick, doesn’t want to shag,” she snarled.  
  
“Boyfriend?” Draco asked.  
  
Tonks quickly punched his shin and glared at him. Draco gulped and tried to act like he wasn’t there. He wondered where Hermione was and if he could sneak her away at some point during the night. It would make for much better company than listening to Pansy gripe about her lack of a sex life.  
  
“We’ve only started dating, he says. It wouldn’t be right, he says. I want us to wait, he says,” she announces. “Well, I don’t care,” Pansy harrumphs and tucks her arms across her chest.   
  
“Then do something about it,” Draco couldn’t help but add in. He never did like to hear people complain about things that they could easily fix. “Tell him to pleasure you or you’ll go find someone that will,” he continued.  
  
“He does have a point,” his cousin mumbled, soothing Pansy by patting her knee.  
  
“I should,” Pansy agreed. “I’ll tell him that I want him to bend me over my desk and fuck me good and proper.”  
  
Draco didn’t see how that constituted as good and proper, but didn’t have the heart to point it out. Instead he imagined taking Granger back into his office and bending her over  _his_  desk and taking her from behind. They hadn’t tried that yet, and she was always of the adventurous sort. He could probably easily convince her.  
  
“That sounds good, I always wanted to try that,” Tonks laughed.  
  
“Cousin, I’ve caught the wolf giving it to you  _’good and proper’_  on several occasions. In this very office.” Draco argued.  
  
“Oh, no, I mean, I always wanted to use my Metamorphmagus and give myself a cock,” she countered. “I thought it’d be interesting to be the one on top for once.”  
  
Draco shook his head, trying to rid himself of the mental image.  _Granger in that tight dress, bent over desk, skirt riding up her hips, no knickers, she’s wet and waiting for you._  He kept repeating the fantasy, hoping it would take over his brain.  
  
“That does sound hot.” Pansy agreed, smiling now. “I always wondered how it felt for a guy.” She turned and looked up at him, “Draco, how does it feel?”  
  
He shook his head once more, unbelieving of the situation. All he wanted was to keep himself from letting out his secret relationship with Granger. He didn’t think being the bigger person meant subjecting himself to sex talks with his best girl friend and female cousin.  
  
How the universe hated him.  
  
“Well, umm,” he stuttered. How does one describe how it feels to have their cock sheathed within a woman? “Good?”  
  
“You’re no help,” Pansy pouted, slapping his shin - the same one his cousin had hit. He was going to avenge his shin should there be bruising in the morning. And it wouldn’t be pretty for either of them, he vowed.  
  
“I guess if I can convince Remus - I’ll have to let you know.” Draco didn’t want to think of his cousin having sex with her husband. Every time he had caught them shagging like bunnies - more like wolves - in her office - which just happened to be right next door to his - he would send an Inter-Office Memo to Granger summoning her immediately. She would straddle him or suck him off until the sight of his cousin-in-law’s bare ass no longer lingered in his mind.  
  
“Yes, please,” Pansy affirmed. “In the meantime, if my boyfriend doesn’t give in, I may take it into my own hands and punish him. I won’t get to know the feeling, but he sure will.” She steepled her fingers in front of her evil smile.  
  
It was times like this that Draco was happy he wasn’t dating Pansy. He dodged that bullet, for sure. However, he had known Granger for most of their life, and his witch could be just as devious.   
  
He gulped. 


	5. Ron's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Ron didn’t know if he was still angry at his  _ex_ -best friend or if he was more worried about his girlfriend. He was angry and didn’t mean to take it out on her. And yes, he did have intentions of finally - catching the snitch, if you will - with her that very night, but things got in the way.   
  
Like his baby sister was pregnant. Well, maybe, depending on if Hermione was right or not. And really, when was Hermione ever wrong?  
  
And if that wasn’t a turn-off, he didn’t know what was.  
  
So he made his excuses - they had only been dating a few months, he wanted it to be special, it wouldn’t be right like this - and that only seemed to anger her more. All before he even managed to have any refreshments. Once that fight was over, of course the first thing he goes for is the Eggnog.  
  
He sighed.  
  
He needed to find her and fix things, he knew that. For some reason, he was enamoured with her, and he didn’t want to see all that he had worked for over the past few months end over the mistakes of his best friend.   
  
No, his,  _ex_... his  _ex_... bugger, whatever. His best friend’s mistakes weren’t going to lead to his.   
  
There!  
  
He sighed once more and began scouting the Auror Headquarters to try and find her. Looking for her was what he should do, and it was also a welcome distraction from the murderous thoughts running rampant in his brain.  
  
He took another sip of the Eggnog, hoping it would quench his thirst, and help him stop thinking about the shitehole he was currently in.  
  
 _Don’t think about it, you’ll just tell mum, and she’ll handle everything._  
  
And she could do far worse than anything you could.  
  
Ginny could do far worse, as well.  
  
Harry Potter would be lucky if he survived the night.  
  
That thought made him feel better. Yes, he would forget about them and find his girlfriend. He’d apologize, and then they could have make-up sex.  
  
It was win-win.  
  
He checked each cubicle, stumbling through the party, saying hello when needed, avoiding long chats when necessary, looking for his girlfriend. When he made it to the corridor leading to the senior Auror offices, he gulped down the rest of his drink and let the cup fall to the floor.  
  
He continued his walk and stopped when he heard giggling up ahead. He squinted his eyes and could see two heads with long blonde hair - one straight, the other slightly curled - ravishing a tall man with greasy black hair.  
  
He shuddered.  
  
He did not want to know what was going on over there. The Malfoys, he was sure that was them, were with Snape - who else had greasy hair? - and they were doing unspeakable things. Unspeakable things that he really didn’t want to think about.  
  
He turned around to stride out of the corridor - and far, far away from the shenanigans he absolutely did not want to know anything about - when he heard his girlfriend’s name being spoken.   
  
He faltered, and stopped in front of the first office door. It was Tonks’s and it sounded like she was speaking to her husband.  
  
“Where did you get this idea from?” Remus questioned. Ron could hear feet shuffling on the other side of the door. He maneuvered himself so that he was hiding in the shadows, just in case they made an exit, but could still somewhat hear what they were talking about. He heard his girlfriend’s name. He had a right to listen.  
  
“I was talking - mumbles - And we were just discussing sex - mumbles - and she hasn’t gotten any - mumbles - would go looking for some if he - mumbles - and I agree,” Tonks ranted.  
  
 _Go looking for some?_  Did that mean his girlfriend would find someone else to shag, if he didn’t?   
  
He would not stand for it. He would find her, and fuck her into the ground. She wouldn’t be able to walk for a week after he was through with her. If she thought she could just parade around and shag any man with him on the side, she had another thing coming.  
  
Before he could trample through the party in search of her, the conversation inside the office caught his attention once more.  
  
“I wouldn’t let you go looking for someone, no matter how hard you tried,” Remus growled. Ron knew that it was mostly Moony talking there. A wolf was very territorial, and Ron thought it was dumb of Tonks to even suggest such a thing.  
  
“You know I really wouldn’t,” she soothed.  
  
“I’m sorry. But really, why would you want to try something like this?” He pondered.  
  
“Because I can,” Tonks replied. “I mean, I know that you and Sirius used to experiment with each other. I heard you a few times and it sounded like you both enjoyed it. Why won’t you experiment with me?”  
  
Wait, what? Ron was riveted. This was news to him. Remus and Sirius experimented? As in buggered each other? And this must have been fairly recently - as in just before Sirius’s death - if Tonks had overheard their trysts. And what was she even proposing? Did she want to bugger him? How would she do that?  
  
“I can morph into him, if that would make it easier,” she appealed.  
  
Oh, right.  
  
Oh, right!  
  
Eww, Ron did not need that mental image going through his head. No, no, no. Did not need to picture Sirius buggering Remus. Girlfriend, corset, garters. Girlfriend, corset, garters. He repeated the mantra over and over, barely catching Remus’s response.  
  
“No, I’d prefer if it was you.”  
  
Ron heard more shuffling and rustling. He could hear the clank of a belt hitting the floor. He really didn’t need to be here for this part. Tonks was going to have manly bits - he shuddered - and was going to bugger Remus.  
  
He just hoped that when Tonks spoke to his girlfriend, they hadn’t shared this idea.


	6. Pansy's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Pansy took another deep breath. This night was getting to be ridiculous. She had said a lot more than what she would normally. She was a poised, elegant, pureblooded - that didn’t matter anymore, but she still liked to include it when describing herself - woman.   
  
She was also a Slytherin.  
  
And saying everything that she had said to whom she had said it to... Well, that should have never have happened.  
  
She was seated in one of the many cubicles in the bullpen that made up the main area of the Auror Headquarters. It was the same cubicle she had been sitting in when she had said out loud what she had been thinking - for a while now, if she were being honest, and she was - and meaning to say.  
  
She hadn’t expected to learn about Tonks’ devious behaviour. She also, honestly - and that was the truth - did not want to know about it.  
  
But none of them could control the Truth Potion running through their veins.  
  
She licked her lips and wanted to kill the twins. Oh, she knew it was more than likely their fault that she had admitted to having a boyfriend, that her boyfriend was failing in one very important facet of their relationship -  _really, who starts a relationship without the intention of regularly fucking?_  - and why her best friend was about to kill her other best friend.  
  
This must be how Granger felt half the time.  
  
Pansy shuddered. She wanted to say she didn’t want to ever know how Granger felt, but the potion wouldn’t let her. The girl was dating her best friend, even if the two of them thought no one knew about it.  
  
They were idiots.  
  
It was so obvious that no one needed the pair doused in Veritaserum to learn the truth.  
  
Take, for example, what Draco was doing right now.  
  
He had Blaise pressed up against one side of the cubicle wall, the top of his shirt being grasped tightly by the blonde. Blaise had to stand on his tip toes to keep himself from choking.  
  
“Take it back,” Draco hissed, clenching his collar.  
  
Pansy rolled her eyes. She was surrounded by idiots. Friends. Boyfriend.  
  
Idiots, the lot of them.  
  
“I can’t,” Blaise babbled, trying to catch his breath and pull Draco’s hands off his very expensive shirt.  
  
Of course he couldn’t take it back. They had all drank Veritaserum, and they couldn’t lie. Pansy just wondered why the two hadn’t realised that yet. They were all Slytherins and it was one of the earlier lessons their Head of House imparted on them during their O.W.L.s year. If it wasn’t for the heat of the moment, then maybe they would have figured it out. Professor Snape would be very, very disappointed with them.  
  
But no, Draco was too busy being pissed and Blaise was too busy trying to stay alive. Pansy didn’t miss how this very much seemed to be a replica of the scene earlier occurring between the Golden Trio.  
  
 _Did that make them the Silver Trio?_  She chuckled quietly and held her stomach.  
  
Draco was still glaring daggers at Blaise, and Blaise, being an idiot, continued to speak about Granger’s gorgeous figure.  
  
Did the boy ever learn? No, he was an idiot. Just like every other male she knew.  
  
She fiddled with the end of her skirt.  
  
Draco slammed him against the wall once more. “Take it back,” he jeered, the infamous Malfoy scowl on his face.  
  
Blaise shook his head. It looked like he was trying to take it back but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth.  
  
Pansy sighed, and twirled a strand of her hair.  
  
“Her legs... her legs... dammit, they’re sexy and I cannot lie!” Blaise finally shouted, shoving Draco away, hunching over to take deep breaths.  
  
Draco stumbled backwards,hitting the corner of the cubicle, managing to stay upright. He leaned back against the wall opposite where Pansy was seated. “Blaise,” he rasped, sending daggers with his eyes.  
  
Pansy sighed again and checked her nails. Boys.  
  
“I just think her legs are hot,” Blaise breathed out. “I wouldn’t try anything with her, mate.”  
  
“You better not,” Draco fumed.  
  
“Idiots,” Pansy muttered.  
  
Both boys forgot the other, turned and stared at her. They both asked in unison, “What?”  
  
She pointed at the refreshment table on the other end of the room. “Eggnog spiked with Veritaserum,” she pointed to each of them, “means neither of you can lie.”  
  
Draco immediately clapped his hands over his mouth. Pansy snorted. Like no one knew his secrets.  
  
Blaise stood up, straightened his jumper, and smirked. “See, I told you I wouldn’t do anything with her mate. But the bird’s got legs, and if she isn’t happy with who she’s shagging on a regular basis, I’d like to put myself up for consideration.”  
  
Draco dropped his hands and snarled. Pansy couldn’t help but chuckle at the antics. Blaise knew Granger was shagging their friend often - if the happiness Draco seemed to glow in was anything to go by - and Blaise’s words would spark a fire under Draco’s arse.  
  
He shoved him into the cubicle wall and bolted from the area. Presumably to find his bushy-haired girlfriend.  
  
“Idiot,” Pansy muttered. She was very unhappy that Granger would get to shag tonight, while she was stuck pouting in a cubicle with one of her best friends.  
  
She looked up to see what Blaise had to say for himself, but found the cubicle empty. She glanced over the short wall and looked throughout the party to find him. She saw her boss scolding the twins - serves them right - and Blaise back at the refreshment table, trying to feed Eggnog to Luna Lovegood.  
  
She rolled her eyes, then scowled.  _If he gets to shag..._


	7. Harry's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

It took him awhile to realise something was clearly out of order. There was no way in Merlin that he would ever freely admit sleeping with Ginny to her brother. He had been avoiding being alone with Ron for the past two months just to keep himself from accidentally giving it away. He knew that once Ron knew that he was shagging his sister, he would blow up. Just like he did.  
  
He also would have never been able to say that he wasn’t ready for marriage. He always thought - if he survived Voldemort that is - that once he had finished Hogwarts, he’d go off and become an Auror, marry someone - Ginny, most likely - while he was still young, and have his first kid - a boy named James Sirius - all before the age of twenty-five.   
  
But apparently what he thought wasn’t what he honestly wanted. He still had three years to go, so why would he want to rush into that?  
  
What did he honestly want?  
  
Not to be fighting with his best mate, that was for sure.  
  
And why was he being so honest all of a sudden? He noticed that everyone was a little out of sorts. Remus looked disheveled while being yelled at from Robards while Tonks waddled around them, holding back her laughs.  
  
And the Malfoys were being rather openly flirtatious earlier. He watched them as they seduced Snape and disappeared into the offices. He just hoped it wasn’t his office they chose to desecrate.  _Oh please, not my office._  
  
Kingsley looked ready to kill someone. He was on a mission, and Harry knew it wouldn’t be wise to stand in his way, so he thought it best to ignore the Minister.  
  
Plus the twins looked mighty happy with themselves.  
  
 _The twins!_  
  
Of course, they must’ve done something. And if Harry knew them - and he really did, he couldn’t lie - than it had something to do with the refreshments. Those boys liked to play with their food -  _canary cream, anyone?_  - so it would be a safe bet that something was wrong with the drinks or food.  
  
 _I want to kill... seriously harm those freckled gits._  
  
He couldn’t lie, even with something as small as the intention to kill.  
  
Why could a person not lie, especially to themselves?  
  
Potion. Truth Potion. Veritaserum.  
  
He could nearly kill the wankers.  
  
He couldn’t lie. He had to tell the truth. He had to think the truth.  
  
He loved Ginny and he wanted to marry her someday. Someday soon if the pregnancy thing happened to be true.  
  
And when was Hermione ever wrong?  
  
Harry sighed and pressed his glasses up the crook of his nose. He needed to find Ron and explain. He never really liked it when they were on the outs. Fifth year was practically torture. And if it really did turn out that Ginny was pregnant, he’d need his best friend to support him. He could already imagine the headaches dealing with a  _hormonal_  Ginny would bring.  
  
He was starting to get a headache now.  
  
Harry fingered his fringe and decided it was now or never. He had to confront Ron and fix things, otherwise it would fester and grow, and he wouldn’t be able to face Ginny in the morning.  
  
He figured that Ron would want to talk things over with Hermione - her being the bystander in all this - and made his way towards the lifts.  
  
He leaned back against the mirrored wall inside the lift and watched the light go from two - three - four and chanted along with the DING - DING - DING.  
  
“Level Four - Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.”  
  
He trudged down the hall, reluctant to confront his angry best friend. He puzzled at the door leading to the Pest Advisory Board -  _Why does that exist?_  - and rushed by the Goblin Liason Office -  _they didn’t like him very much, and he wondered how Hermione managed to work so closely with them._  
  
The door to the Beast, Being, and Spirit Divisions was cracked open, giving Harry hope of finding his friends.  
  
He bucked up -  _you’re a Gryffindor_  - and strided directly to Hermione’s office.  
  
The door was closed, but shaking. Harry could hear a steady thumping noise.  
  
He hoped -  _good Godrick, please_  - that it wasn’t what he thought it was.  
  
First, it better not be Ronald Weasley in there shagging Hermione, because really, everyone knew that she was taken - even if she didn’t know everyone knew.  
  
Secondly, if she was letting Draco Malfoy pound her into the door, then he was going to have a stern discussion about the appropriateness of office shags and how to be properly treated.  
  
Just because he had comes to terms with her and the ferret, it didn’t mean he had to like the man. Or think that he was good enough for his near-sister.  
  
The thumping stopped and Harry sighed in relief. Maybe they were just throwing something around.  
  
 _You’re not stupid, Harry, you know they weren’t._  
  
He waited five minutes, shifting from foot to foot, allowing whoever was in there the time to put themselves to rights. He pried the door open, and screamed.  
  
“Harry!” Hermione panted, bent over her desk with Draco Malfoy thrusting into her from behind.  
  
“That’s not my name,” Draco scolded, smacking her bum.  
  
Harry slammed the door shut and ran from the office.  
  
Maybe he and Ron could make up over the solidarity of how wrong it was to see their best girl friend being properly fucked by their childhood enemy.


	8. Tonks's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Having a dick made lots of things rather difficult. Sure, going to the bathroom was easier. She had already taken a piss on the office plant in the corner. If she had her lady bits, she would never have been able to do that and still be inconspicuous.  
  
Tonks also wondered if fucking a girl would be different than fucking her husband. Sure, she managed to feel what it was like having a cock sheathed into a body. But she had to lube up her husband. What if the natural lubrication of a woman made it different?   
  
She glanced around the party, most of the guests having already sequestered themselves with someone. The Patil twins were joking around with Seamus and Dean. And she didn’t really have a thing for darker skin. She wouldn’t mind a go with Pansy but she knew now wouldn’t be a good time to broach the subject with the girl. Luna was in a corner snogging Blaise Zabini.  _I wouldn’t mind switching places with Zabini._  Luna was a soft-spoken but strong woman. Fucking her sounded pretty delightful.  
  
Did having a dick mean thinking about sex this much?  
  
Well, now she understood why her husband was so randy all the time.  
  
She tried crouching low and thought something would hit the floor, giving her pain. Granted, she was still in her dress and had no knickers on. Maybe the lack of underthings was what made it problematic?  _No, Remus goes around without anything on all the time, and he seems to manage._  
  
She tried walking again, this time keeping her legs closer together.  _No, that hurts._  
  
She didn’t understand how a man managed to strut around all day with their bits dangling between their legs.   
  
Maybe if it were smaller?  
  
 _Yeah, that’s better._    
  
She continued to pace around the cubicle that housed her husband and crying boss.   
  
How Remus pulled off walking around with his very large cock -  _mhmm_  - she would never guess, but it definitely was something different.  
  
 _Being the one sheathed into a warm crevice was certainly different_ , she mused.  
  
“Tonks,” Remus hissed, from his seat in the cubicle.  
  
She faltered and looked at his pleading eyes. She knew Robards could be a bore, but it was the Yule Ball After Party, everyone was supposed to be merry, and she thought her boss was trying to spread some more of that holiday cheer.  
  
She made sure she had all her girly bits in order before prancing into the cubicle, seating herself on her husband’s lap.  
  
Her boss, Robards, was barely holding the handle of a plain white mug, swinging it about, droning, “I know it was you, it had to be you.”  
  
“Sir,” Tonks interrupted, “what are you talking about?”  
  
“Your husband,” he declared, “stole my favourite mug. You know the one!”  
  
She turned her head to face her husband. Remus only shrugged.  _Yeah, she had no clue either._  She looked back up at her boss and just nodded. He looked like he had a bit too much to drink and just needed to let off some steam.  
  
Why he didn’t just go to the dueling room and let loose every single spell he knew, she would never know.  
  
“My favourite mug! It was just like this one,” he stopped his flaying and practically shoved the coffee cup into her face. She had to lean backwards into her husband to get away but was happily surprised by the lump in his trousers pressing into her arse.  
  
She continued to rub against him, while listening to her boss rave.  
  
“The same colour you see. But it said ‘number one dad’ on it. My son gave it to me.” He seemed to sober up. “Back when he still spoke to me, that is,” he sobbed.  
  
Tonks learned why her boss never liked to drink. Not only did he get emotional and weepy, but he sought out physical affection. He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Tonks  _and_  Remus.  
  
She wasn’t happy about having to stop grinding against her husband’s considerable erection.  
  
Her husband wasn’t happy that her boss was touching them both, making her stop with the pleasurable activity. He growled.  
  
Robards ignored them both and sobbed into her lap.  
  
She looked back to her husband once more and shrugged. She patted her boss’s head, whispering a “There, there,” to soothe him.

 


	9. Twins' POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

For some reason - and of course the two of them knew, but they weren’t telling - the lift was running very slowly.   
  
“What did you two do?” the Minister sighed.  
  
The twins tried to hold back a snicker, they really did, but they looked at each other’s faces and broke out into laughter.  
  
They both yelped when they felt a shocked tingle go up their spines. They turned back around to look at Kingsley, his smugly innocent - was that even possible? Both twins vowed to master that very same look, it could come in handy - smile plastered on his face.  
  
After ten minutes - nine minutes and thirty seconds too long, much to George’s amusement (Fred wanted it to only take five minutes, which wasn’t nearly as problematic) - they finally made it to Level One.  
  
It was dark and dreary and the twins were afraid - well not really, they only pretended to be. They mock gasped and fake screeched at the tiniest sounds.  
  
“Stop that,” Kingsley muttered, pushing the two forward, making them stumble.  
  
“Hey,” Fred shouted.  
  
“Not cool,” George hollered.  
  
“Shut up,” Kingsley brushed past them, not helping them up, and continuing towards his office.  
  
George nodded and Fred brought his fingers to his lips, and slid them across, in the “zipping” gesture.  
  
George slammed into Kingsley, who decided to stop abruptly, making Fred fall into the two of them. Luckily, the Minister was a sturdy man and was able to hold both of them up. Though not before both of them made loud Oomph noises, drawing the attention of why they had all stopped.  
  
“Oh my!” Pansy shrieked.  
  
Ronald could only sputter, after throwing a robe over the Minister’s assistant while also shoving her down under the desk.  
  
“That’s not helping,” she hissed.  
  
“She’s right,” Fred chuckled.  
  
“Imagine what’s happening,” George cackled evilly.  
  
“Oh, I can only guess,” Fred continued, slapping his knee.  
  
“Have to not think of ickle Ronniekins though,” George laughed.  
  
“Oh, most definitely, don’t want to imagine his freckled arse.”  
  
“Will you two just stop!” Kingsley demanded, glaring at the twins behind him. He turned back to look at the young Auror who was fornicating with his assistant.  
  
“Oooh, you’re going to get it,” Fred teased.  
  
“Wait until mum hears about this,” George taunted.  
  
Kingsley turned back around to shut them up once more, “If you two don’t start behaving, I swear I’ll tell your mother.”  
  
“Sure thing,” one saluted.  
  
“Yes, sir!” The other bowed.  
  
Kingsley rolled his eyes and turned back to go to his office. He ignored the secretary desk to his right that was hiding his assistant and the blushing Ronald Weasley, muttering, “Don’t want to know about it,” and stepped into his office.  
  
“Twins, here, now,” the Minister shouted.  
  
The twins, making faces at their younger brother, jumped, startled by the yell, and ran after the Minister.  
  
Pansy, still hiding, pinched her boyfriend.  
  
Ron, having not felt it and still shocked at having been caught, whispered, “Bloody hell.”


	10. The Next Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggnog is consumed. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings  
> Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise ___________ & ___________ are discovered snogging under a desk.  
> Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.  
> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

  
**Night of Confessions**  - Rita Skeeter

__  
  
While everyone is still discussing last night’s Annual Yule Ball hosted by the Ministry of Magic, more than a select few will be reeling once they learn about what happened afterwards.  
  
Well, this reporter won’t disappoint! As always, I ensured I could get into the nitty and gritty to get the news that matters most to you!  
  
Firstly, what was supposed to be the first - and continue annually - “Auror Afterparty” blew up to what I’ve deemed the ‘Night of Confessions.’  
  
The night started off well, with plenty of war heroes in attendance. Drinks and refreshments were had, and until it was noticed that a certain favourite duo of Wizarding children out there were found in a corner snickering by the Minister, it didn’t seem like the night was going to be that interesting.  
  
And I know, I would normally never admit this, but I was wrong.  
  
What the Weasley twins did, I am not at liberty to say, but let’s say they sure know how to make things interesting.  
  
Because of them, I can be the first to report that The Chosen One himself, and Hollyhead Harpies Chaser, Ginerva Weasley, are expecting! Harry Potter was surprised to learn the news, and his girlfriend’s brother, Ronald Weasley, was even more surprised that his best friend was fornicating with his younger sister.  
  
Is this the end of the Golden Trio?  
  
It may have been the start. Later on in the evening, as Harry Potter tried to find his best mate, he stumbled on the other third - the female third - brightest witch of her age, Hermione Granger, in her office with their childhood enemy. And they weren’t shouting obscenities like we all are used to.  
  
No, the pair - who was voted ‘Would Be Cutest Couple Together’ by the readers of Witch Weekly _\- were shouting each other’s name while enjoying the company of the other._  
  
Looks like you readers got what you wanted. Maybe they’ll be dethroning Harry Potter and Ginerva Weasley as ‘Best Couple’ in next month’s poll.  
  
Anyways, that wasn’t all we found out last night. Oh no, there was much juicier shenanigans. Like both elder Malfoys’ admitting to school crushes on one Severus Snape - named ‘Hottest Mysterious Bachelor’ in the poll last month, followed by Blaise Zabini who was also in attendance (more on him later). Not only did they admit to the crush, but the pair decided acting on it together was their best bet at fulfilling a teenage dream.  
  
It’ll be interesting to see if this was just a one-off or if Severus Snape will no longer be a bachelor in the coming year, joining the couple in a triad relationship. Who knows?  
  
Blaise Zabini may be knocked off the Bachelor list as well, as he was caught flirting his way into Luna Lovegood’s skirt. Next year may have slim pickings for the different Bachelor lists, it seems.  
  
Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin, one of two known Metamorphmagus, decided she wanted to know what it was like to be a male. I physically saw her take a leak in a corner office plant - note to Aurors, you may want to replace the one that smells - and overheard her discussing the particulars of being on top.  
  
I will admit I was intrigued and have already scheduled a follow-up interview just to discuss all the particulars of being a woman in a male’s body. Look out for that article next week.  
  
Lastly, and most unexpectedly, and quite possibly the final nail in the Golden Trio’s coffin: Ronald Weasley was caught red handed - well more like mounting - the Minister's assistant, Pansy Parkinson, after a tiff about not having sex yet.  
  
Most peculiar... We look forward to learning more about this budding relationship and how it will compare to the one that apparently has been going on between Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy.  
  
Who will be the next Gryffindor to be clutched by a Slytherin? What about all the other interhouse pairings? Are triads legal? What is the Minister going to do about all that was revealed by the Auror Afterparty?  
  
Well, we’ll have to wait and see. And of course, I’ll keep you posted as more revelations happen in the coming week. Until next time, Happy Yule!  



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